Jose is the father of a 16-year-old young man named Manuel. Recently, he began to understand the great emotional need of his teenage son. Manuel revealed his sexual orientation (gay) solely to his dad. However, he feels that his mom is not yet ready to understand him. The mother constantly watches him and enters his room without any permission. Furthermore, she talks to him for hours without truly understanding what happens. Manuel knows she suspects and, unfortunately, feels a lot of shame. Fortunately, the father has begun to understand these fears thanks to creative family therapy. In this clinical space, he deeply understands his son’s alienation and restlessness.
Manuel deeply thanked his father for listening to him with genuine attention. He perfectly understands how liberating it is to reveal his sexuality safely. Nevertheless, simple parental words and advice are just not enough. Deep down, the actions of the family dynamic are what really affect him. Manuel states that his parents over-instruct and over-advise him constantly. They issue constant verbal orders without pausing to listen. Additionally, they never ask for his opinion or give him personal space. They talk incessantly about what is good and what is bad. Therefore, creative family therapy is absolutely fundamental to intervene in this home.
Manuel’s parents desperately need him to stand out above everyone else. Consequently, the young man feels they are very frustrated with him daily. Effectively, Manuel’s sexual orientation is not the real underlying problem. The real problem is the hypervigilant and highly controlling parenting model. This strict parental model generates great pressure, impotence, anxiety, and deep anger. Frequently, many teenagers share these exact words of distress during creative family therapy. Later, many parents express having suffered this exact same strict upbringing themselves. Sadly, they unconsciously repeat the painful traumas they lived in the past.
Indigenous wisdom
Faced with this complex modern reality, assuming a different parenting alternative is vital. Adopting a creative and indigenous vision is usually very useful in consultation. This ancestral approach strictly focuses on the child’s natural autonomy. Also, it strongly promotes emotional self-regulation and valuable direct daily learning. In creative family therapy, we observe successful examples like the Pemon people. This non-evangelized culture in Venezuela flows under a foundation of immense respect. They consciously decide never to interfere in the natural process of childhood growth. They deeply respect the unique characteristics and innate potentials of every child.
“Do not force,” “do not coerce,” and “do not issue authoritarian orders” are basic rules. These are the essential foundations of a truly healthy and creative upbringing. Furthermore, indigenous people consider it highly immature for an adult to yell when losing control. Yelling at a child is seen as a great weakness of character and maturity. The creative aspect lies in considering the child as a totally autonomous being. He has his own specific life purpose from the moment he is born. He learns to experience the natural consequences of his actions safely. Creative family therapy beautifully adopts these wise principles to heal modern dysfunctional homes.
Under these indigenous foundations, there are several practical resources to implement today. Modern society can easily apply them to improve daily family coexistence. First, it is crucial to recognize as parents when we make mistakes and apologize sincerely. Second, we must frequently go out with our children without any academic pressure. Visiting museums, parks, parties, concerts, and theaters greatly strengthens the affective bond. Third, we must patiently teach any activity for which the child feels genuine curiosity. In creative family therapy, free exploration is a fundamental pillar of human development. Finally, we must allow children to join us in daily activities voluntarily.
Practical resources in creative family therapy
For children to observe and join, they must not feel evaluated or judged. We must let them calmly observe while we model the correct behavior at home. Making a mistake is simply a normal part of the process, never an act of disobedience. Likewise, we must guide compassionately without yelling, scolding, or punishing punitively. Avoiding the constant and exhausting power struggle between parents and children is absolutely necessary. Creative family therapy highly suggests implementing interactive games and reading educational stories. These great tools serve as perfect analogies to teach about natural consequences and safety. They are much more effective and healthy than using rigid and inflexible prohibitions.
It is also vital to avoid the use of artificial rewards in daily parenting. We must easily allow the intrinsic desire to cooperate and be useful to express itself naturally. Providing trust with a safe space to make mistakes is a mandatory step. In Manuel’s specific case, the hypervigilant situation at home generates massive anxiety. The fact of hiding his sexual inclination from his mother overwhelms him immensely. However, something has begun to calm him deeply during creative family therapy. Readings about the indigenous vision regarding homosexuality brought him great inner peace. Many original cultures greatly respect the immense human sexual diversity without ever judging it.
These ancient cultures associate diversity with an elevated spiritual role called the ‘third gender’. Unfortunately, the homophobic prejudice introduced by evangelization historically condemned this inclusive vision. Now, Manuel understands that his need to impulsively reveal his orientation is not mandatory. He matures the idea that it is very sensible to take his own personal time. He will wait until he thoroughly explores it and accepts it himself without any guilt. In reality, the perfect manual or guide for parents does not exist anywhere. But, as creative family therapy teaches, appreciating the innate nature of our children prevents unhappiness.
